I like the story. It's not fluff. It's working out some of the individual consequences to the current distortions. The characters feel like real people. A bit complicated. Didn't expect Denny to be the one I pitied most. Jake for all his physical issues has a better set of emotional tools to deal with his life.
Since I had to put this behind a paywall to publish to Amazon, I've given everyone who liked or commented on this story a complementary paid subscription.
I like the story. It's not fluff. It's working out some of the individual consequences to the current distortions. The characters feel like real people. A bit complicated. Didn't expect Denny to be the one I pitied most. Jake for all his physical issues has a better set of emotional tools to deal with his life.
I enjoyed these vignettes, Ms. Mary. Fascinating characters. Good plot. Thanks for sharing. 🙇♂️
Since I had to put this behind a paywall to publish to Amazon, I've given everyone who liked or commented on this story a complementary paid subscription.
You really have to go in order for my stuff, I think. You're probably right about the transitions. I'm pretty terse, I think.
Ok, so reading quickly through it, I find it hard to follow. You seem to jump from scene to scene with (IMO) to little transition or inner thoughts.
Now some of it might be my fault for starting at the end, but that is my first impression. It's like I need a translator.
(NB I tend to make this comment a lot when I critique writing.)